Rivaille x Reader: What are You? : Part 4

You slipped your skinny white trousers on, zipping it up and soon after, putting your 3DMG traps on. You looked out for your light brown jacket that ended just above your bellybutton, and found it hanging near the wardrobe. You wore it over your white button up shirt and went to the bathroom, washing your face and pushing your hair up in a lose ponytail. You walked back to your bed and took the knee high boots that were standing next to it, easily putting them on. Alright, now your outfit was almost complete – the only thing missing wasn’t exactly a part of your uniform, but liked to bring it with you just for… emergency cases. You opened a drawer from your wardrobe and took a little, shiny and sharp knife from it.

You turned it on your hand, already familiar with its balance and weight. A sad look crossed your eyes as you swung it through the air; it used to be your father’s knife, a knife he said he was proud to have, that was passed from generation to generation, to all male kids on the family. Male, huh? Your father always said that he would give this to you once you got older, he didn’t care about breaking the rules. Said person used to tell you that it was important to know how to defend yourself, even though you always were a sweet and way too innocent girl – you had always been naïve. Your mother used to disapprove your father’s argument, though; said that you couldn’t even hold a butter knife without cutting yourself, which was particularly true. Said that it was better to give it to their new coming baby. Yes, you were waiting for a sibling, but you couldn’t tell if it was a brother or a sister (medicals appointments were far more expensive than an average family like yours could afford), but your mother was sure it’d be a boy. Your father denied giving the instrument to his upcoming son, the reason being that he knew you had skilled hands – it was only a matter of practice and you’d be able to kick everyone’s asses.

He had no idea just how right he was.

Still, your mother said it was for the best if giving it to your brother; a girl should not have a knife with her for violent purposes. You father said it was for self-defense purposes.

But of course you didn’t get a chance to be trained by your father with it. Of course you didn’t get a chance to see your mother’s frustrated expression or meet your brother’s baby face. Hell, the little boy didn’t even have the chance to see what the outside world was like before dying. All of them died and you couldn’t do anything about it. It was unfair. They didn’t deserve what future gave them.

The world was cruel. The world is cruel.

You tightened your grip on the leather handle. They never did anything to deserve it. Damn it. Fucking titans!

You hid the knife on a piece of old cloth and pushed it inside your boot, pressing it against the fabric of your pants. You always hid it there since it was easy to take out if anything was to happen.

Okay, now you were complete. Everything was in place and double checked, so you were ready to go. Finally it was time to it.

From now on your life would change forever.

And you appreciated the change.







-------------------  Time Skip ---------------------


The sun had already settled. There was a huge, full moon up in the sky, shining a pale white light over you, and the air was cool, making shivers run down your spine.

In front of all the young soldiers was, in its full glory, the Commander Erwin Smith. As soon as he stepped into sight, all murmurs died and silence took over.

“I’m the Commander of the Survey Corps, Erwin Smith. Today you’re going to choose a military branch. Put bluntly, I’m here to persuade you to join the Survey Corps,” the blond kept his eyes unreadable and face expressionless and you couldn’t help but stare in awe and amazement.

“During the titan attack, you learned how terrifying they can be. And how limiting your power is.”

Weak. We’re weak.

“However, this battle brought humanity closer to victory than it’s ever been. Through Eren Jaeger’s existence. By risking his own life, he has proven himself, without a doubt, a friend of humanity. With his help, not only did we stop the titan’s advance, but we have a way to discover their true nature.”

Gasps were heard, even you wore a shocked expression. How? Their true nature? What did it mean?

“We believe that in the basement of his Shinganshina home are the answers about the titans that he himself doesn’t have. If we can reach that basement, we will find a clue that will end this century of titan rule.

Whispers start to rise. What basement? Isn’t Wall Maria infested with titans? How are they supposed to get there?

As fearful as it seems, it is also very encouraging. This means you have a chance of winning. This means humanity isn’t completely down and defeated. They might be weak and they might still be crawling on their four, but slowly they were standing up and getting on their feet. Humanity hadn’t given up yet. Humanity hadn’t bow its head. Humanity was still fighting.

You could feel a rush of blood pump through your veins, adrenaline starting to rise. Oh, and what a sweet, sweet feeling it was.

“We will head to the basement in Shinganshina. However, that requires us to retake Wall Maria. In other words, our objective hasn’t changed,” Erwin stops and a map is extended so you can see what he means. “But with Trost gate sealed, we’ll have to take the long way around, from Karanes to the east. The four years we spent laying a route for a large army has gone to waist. In those four years, more than sixty percent of the Survey Corps lost their lives. Sixty percent in four years. An insane figure.”

There’s a pause and you don’t even notice you’re holding your breathe.

“Any trainees who join will participate in our excursion beyond the walls, in a month. We expect thirty percent won’t return. In four years, most will be dead.”

Dead.

You don’t want to die.

“But those who survive will become superior soldiers with a high survival rant.”

You want to live. You want to see those monsters being torn to shreds.

“Knowing these discouraging facts, anyone still willing to risk their lives, remain here.”

You’ll stay. You must stay.

“Ask yourself. Are you willing to offer your beating heart for humanity?”

Are you? Because what you’re feeling right now is fear. Overwhelming fear. You know what titans are like; you know that they’re cruel creatures and you’re not exactly excited to face any of them any time soon.

But you told yourself you’ll kill them all. The Survey Corps has always been your goal, has always been your motivation, and for once it isn’t because of Corporal Levi (be him a midget or not) or because of your pride. No. You want to stay because you want to see humanity stand on its own with heads up and puffed chest. You want to see its glory.

“That is all. Anyone who wishes to join another branch is dismissed.”



Beside you people start to walk away.



How can they walk away?



They’re scared. So are you.



Walk away, __________.



Save yourself while you still can. If you get out now, you’ll never have to see the titans again.



If you go now, you’ll have a chance to live your life.



But what’s the point of living if there are still people who are fighting so you can breathe everyday?



What’s the point if you don’t get your revenge?



What’s the point if you cannot kill those things that ruined your life?



Your mind is racing with contradictory thoughts, breathe coming irregularly and cold sweat running down your neck. Your heart is jumping inside your ribcage and it feels like you’re running a marathon. Yet your feet feel too heavy for you to move and you have this feeling deep down your gut that staying would be the right choice. It’d be a choice you wouldn’t regret even if you were to die.

You belong to the Survey Corps.

So you stay.

And when you look around yourself, there are only a few people left and it’s silent again.

“Can you die if you’re ordered to?” Erwin’s voice cuts through the thick layer of air, making you look up at him.

“I don’t want to die!” you hear, and silently agree.

The Commander’s eyes are a cold blue, face under a calculated mask. You wish you knew what was going on inside his head.

“I see. I like the looks on your faces.”

He inhales deeply.

“Then I welcome everyone here to the Survey Corps! This is true salute! Offer up your hearts!”

And as by instinct, your closed fist flows up across your heart into the Survey Corps Salute, as does everybody’s else, Erwin’s included.

Pride fills your chest and even though you’re scared to death, you can’t bring yourself to regret it.

“You have done well to endure your fear. You are brave soldiers. You have my heartfelt respect,” are Erwin’s last words before he steps off the stage and dismiss all of you who stayed.










Mikasa.

Armin.

Jean.

Sasha.

Connie.

Christa.

Ymir.

Reiner.

Berthold.

Those, alongside you and maybe some others you don’t recognize, join the Survey Corps that night. Annie left, chose the Military Police instead and you can’t bring yourself to be angry at her. Perhaps she’s the only one who’s not insane among you.

Now you’re all at the Survey Corps castle, in front of the stables and you watch as Eren, Mikasa and Armin reunite again, with a smile on your lips. As much as you want to give Eren a hug, you stay put and let the three of them have their time. You watched Eren’s crestfallen expression when Jean told him that Marco died and you watched as they are interrupted by someone shouting something along the lines “Hey kids, your uniform is here!”

You smile a little wider and get one green cloak for yourself, putting it on. Now you’re officially one of them. Now you also have your own wings of freedom and you can admit that it feels amazing to finally wear it.

By the corner of your eye you notice a familiar figure standing in the shadows, eyeing all of you with a blank face. You turn to stare at him and Levi’s piercing grey blue eyes lock right into yours, making your smile drop and a defiant expression paint your features. You see as something shines in eyes and you unconsciously swallow a knot in the middle of your throat. Told you I’d be here, is what you try to say to him, and you’re half disappointed when he almost rolls his eyes and keeps looking as bored as ever.

But then you notice that he’s still looking at you, and if you force your imagination a little, you can swear his saying something like, Just don’t mess things up, kid.

You admit it isn’t what you wanted to hear and hell if he couldn’t be a nicer, but deep down you were silently beaming at the fact he at least recognized you, be it as fellow soldier or a simple kid.

You also admit that even if he’s an asshole and a midget he might be a little, just a little bit, the most awesome person you ever saw.