Goodbye... [Songfic: Romano x Reader]

Lovino sat next to your hospital bed, holding your hand and pressing it against his cheek.  He’d been fighting the tears for a whole month, but it was getting harder to hold them. By every day that passed, a little bit more of life faded away from your body, and by now, you were so weak and thin that it made his heart hurt.

He promised himself he wouldn’t cry. You had told him not to. Yet he couldn’t help it anymore. Why? Why did it have to happen to you? From all people, why you? Just because he loved you? Just because you were the only person in the world who he’d do everything for?

Why?

A tear escaped from the corner from his eye and he clenched his eyes, wiping it away. Fuck. This was like a nightmare. He couldn’t do anything besides watch as life slowly left your body. It was a nightmare from which he wouldn’t wake up, no matter how many times he’d try. Damn it.

I hate feeling like this
I'm so tired of trying to fight this
I'm asleep and all I dream of
Is waking to you

“D-don’t… cry, Lovi… no…” you managed to say, very lowly and slowly. But he heard it. He’d always listen to what you’d say; to every freakin’ word.

“_________! Thanks God you’re awake!” and one more tear rolled down he’s cheek. ’Damn it! Stop crying already! Stop looking so fuckin weak! Get a hold on yourself!’ he groaned at himself, but was cut off by feeling your fingers stroke his cheek. His eyes widen at first, but then he just smiled softly at you. Or at least tried to.

And as he saw you smile back at him, he felt as his heart started to pound as fast as never inside his chest. “Don’t close your eyes, got it ________?” he demanded, looking directly at you while squeezing your hand lightly.

You continued smiling. But not the happy and cheerful smile you used to have on your face. No. It was a sad and painful one. “But I’m so tired…”

“No! _________! Don’t fucking close them!! Did you hear me? Don’t you dare to close your eyes!” he practically shouted at you. He was getting desperate; there was no way he’d accept the idea of letting you go.

Tell me that you will listen
Your touch is what I'm missing
And the more I hide I realize I'm slowly losing you

You didn’t answer. Your eyes were feeling so heavy that you were fighting to let them open. Every breathe that passed through your lungs burned in your throat. Why did it have to hurt so much?

And yet all you did was smile. You wouldn’t let him see how much it was hurting you. How much you’d like this to just end. “I’m so… sorry, Lovino…” you whispered.

The Romano man shook his head, and hold your face between his hands, not caring anymore about the tears. “No!! Godammit, no, _________! Don’t apologize, got it? It’s not your fault, all right?” he cried, ashamed of his own acts. You let a tear roll down from your (e/c) eyes. “Sorry, Lovi…! I’m so sorry that I can’t stay with you…! All because I’m so weak….”

Lovino shook his head so many times that he didn’t know anymore what to say. “Shut up, __-_______! Nothing’s your fault here! Fuck…! Fuck!!” he grumbled, a knot stuck in the middle of his throat. “Why, dammit!?!”

He buried his face on your shoulders, hiding his crying expression. “Don’t go, _______... Please…”

Comatose
I'll never wake up without an overdose of you

“Why is life so damn unfair…?”

I don't wanna live
I don't wanna breathe
'les I feel you next to me
you take the pain I feel
waking up to you never felt so real

“Why just you? From all people…!” his shoulders started to shake uncontrollably.

I don't wanna sleep
I don't wanna dream
'cause my dreams don't comfort me
The way you make me feel
Waking up to you never felt so real

He would do everything to get back in that time where you two were a happy couple and where you were a healthy girl. But there was nothing to do about it. The illness in your body wouldn’t heal and death was already chasing after you.

“Lovi…?” you asked, your voice fading already. He immediately looked at you, brown eyes meeting (e/c) ones. Beautiful (e/c) ones. “Sì?”

“Will you promise me… one thing…?”

“Damn, ________! I’ll promise anything you wish! Just stay alive! Per favore…” he begged. It wasn’t like him to beg for something, but it was different now.

You gave him a little smile, knowing that reality wouldn’t give you this chance. With a very slow movement you put your hand at his nape and pushed it down, softly connecting your lips. Lovino closed his eyes and let his fingers wander through you r locks, the tears still rolling down his cheeks, wishing this moment would last forever.

When you two broke apart, you whispered at his lips “Don’t forget me, Lovi… Please don’t forget about me…!” you cried, afraid of what was coming for you. What was death like? You didn’t know. But you were afraid of it. At first you were okay with the idea of dying, but now that the time was coming, you didn’t want it. ‘I don’t want to die!’

Lovino couldn’t help but cry even more. How did he still have tears to cry anyway? “I won’t, _________. I promise that for the rest of my life I’ll remember you. No matter what”’But please stay alive! Please! Why can’t someone just help you?'

You smiled your last smile at him. “Thanks, Lovino”

Breathing life
Waking up
My eyes open up

Romano watched as you closed your eyes while your chest raised and lowered irregularly by every breathe you took. ‘Open your eyes, __________! C’mon! Open already!’

Comatose
I’ll never wake up without an overdose of you

The monitor next to your bed showed a straight line, instead of the one of your heartbeats. Lovino couldn’t believe his eyes. ‘No….! No! Please, no, no, no! Tell me this is a lie!! Please! Damn it! Wake up, _______! Wake the fuck up!’

But he knew you wouldn’t. No more.

His face sank into the cavity between you shoulder and neck, and he cried his heart and soul out.  ‘Ti amo, ________. Ti amo! So much! Please come back!’

You didn’t.

You’d never come back. But he wouldn’t forget you either. He promised he wouldn’t. And when he said it he meant it for the rest of his life.

He lifted his head and looked into your fragile and pale face, stroking it with his thumb. “Thank you, ________. Thank you for being with me while you could. Thanks for giving me the happiest moments of my life. Thanks for supporting me in the worst times and thank you for loving me so much as I know you did” he said, still crying, but with a small smile in his face.

“Thank you for everything” he whispered, pressing his lips against your forehead. A last kiss.